Narrow and broad views of intimacy

My favorite young married couple (who I am very good friends with) recently were blessed with their first child, a healthy baby boy. I am very excited for them. They are a great example as a couple of what a romantic relationship should be.

About 200 people saw their first kiss because it was at the conclusion of their wedding ceremony. That is incredibly counter-culture. Our culture for many years has sent the message that physical affection precedes emotional love. I remember an old song that a woman sang (I think by Vonda Shepherd and made popular by Cher) called It’s In His Kiss. The song goes through ways for a girl to try to find out if he loves her examining his eyes, face, embrace, the way he acts, his charm and decides that the only way to know for sure is in his kiss. A kiss is a wonderful way to express love, but physical intimacy should not precede relational intimacy. Waiting until marriage to kiss someone may not be for everyone, but I do think that it is the right thing for some people and a potentially great example of intimacy for others.

A huge part of our culture suffers from a narrow view of intimacy. When many people hear the word “intimacy” they automatically think only of the physical aspects of a romantic relationship between a guy and a girl or possibly just sexual activity. Real intimacy is more than that. So much so in fact, that it is difficult to describe or put into words. I hear concern of some people about sexual compatibility as if real intimacy were just about physical things. I have heard people say, “I wouldn’t buy a car without first taking a test drive, so I wouldn’t marry someone without having sex with them first.” That’s a horrible illustration! Picking a potential marriage partner is nothing like buying a car. I think that many marriages are unsatisfying because they lack real intimacy.

I saw real intimacy in the relationship that my friends had before they got married. It was obvious in the way they looked at each other, held each other, laughed, communicated, and the way that they talked about each other. My friends were crazy about each other and it was not self-seeking. (1 Corinthians 13:5) Both of my friends love the other one deeply and are enjoying a wonderful marriage relationship. They recently had their first child about 16 months into their marriage and I know that they will be great parents to their new son.