a real friend

About a week ago I had an afternoon where I was really stressed. To be honest, I think I am carrying a lot of the burden of CONVERGE. That's just not healthy. I now striving to walk by faith and trust God with this ministry. I feel like lately my insecurities have been attacked. I continue to pray and refer back to the truth of the situation and realize that the negative things that I was feeling just weren't true. The stress was really affecting me emotionally. Most of the time I am really happy, so people can tell very quickly if something is bothering me.

There's a guy I know who I have been friends with since the third grade. He seemed to have great timing that day. I had stayed at church a couple of hours longer than what I intended to. I did this because I was trying to carry the burden instead of just completely trusting God. At that time this friend, my best friend called me. We went out to eat, which is really therapeutic for me. He drove me to the restaurant. Before we got out of the car he did two really great things. He prayed for me, which was much needed and very meaningful. Then he made me commit to not talking about anything church work related the whole time I was there. I had a great time talking about sports and life and just relaxing. It was exactly what I needed. Proverbs 17:17 says, "a friend loves at all times, a brother is born for adversity." This friend is the closest thing that I have to a brother. I am fortunate enough that I have several friends like this, and this is the kind of friend that I want to always be.

Neighbors

This past weekend I went with some friends to see the new movie Lakeview Terrace. It was really interesting to see the epitome of a bad relationship between neighbors. There were continuous subtle verbal jabs exchanged with great skill (as well as many other various hurtful acts). While it was very entertaining, that is not a skill that I think people should excel at. Often people excel and take pride in hurting others. I think that the intellect behind that can be used for much better things. Yes, if you are wondering I do feel very nerdy right now as I write this, but I don’t really always write how I talk. If a person is told five positive things and one negative thing, he or she is more likely to focus on the negative thing. I don’t know if that has to do with not being affirmed enough, sin nature, identity struggles, not understanding that we were created in the image of God, or biological issues. The fact remains that negative words can really damage people emotionally. I have so many people in my life that surround me and bombard me with encouragement. Many people have very little encouragement shown to them.

It is amazing to see how lots of people have really helped each other during recent power outages. People have allowed others to use their showers, shared freezer and fridge space, shared electricity to their neighbor who didn’t have it and talked to people that they normally may not talk to.

I’m not typically a great neighbor. I would like to be and often plan to be, but it usually doesn’t happen. I’m not a bad neighbor, but I could do more. My birthday occurred just before the beginning of each fall semester in college. I always planned to share birthday cake with the people in the rooms next to mine, but I would always end up eating it all (my grandma makes great cake) or some of it would get old because I had a lot and I would never get around to talking to them and meeting them. I love meeting new people, but I have never been great with people that lived next to me, unless I knew them from something else already. The power outages have taught me that it is never too late to be a good neighbor. I imagine myself talking to the people that live around me and them saying, “dude, you’re a jerk. You’ve lived here over a year and your just now asking me what my name is (they haven’t asked me either).” The truth is that people aren’t generally that vicious, especially if they are approached with sincerity and tact.

It is not too late to be a good neighbor. It’s not too late to reach out to someone. It’s not too late to extend courtesies. I think many of us; me included would be pleasantly surprised with the result.

Narrow and broad views of intimacy

My favorite young married couple (who I am very good friends with) recently were blessed with their first child, a healthy baby boy. I am very excited for them. They are a great example as a couple of what a romantic relationship should be.

About 200 people saw their first kiss because it was at the conclusion of their wedding ceremony. That is incredibly counter-culture. Our culture for many years has sent the message that physical affection precedes emotional love. I remember an old song that a woman sang (I think by Vonda Shepherd and made popular by Cher) called It’s In His Kiss. The song goes through ways for a girl to try to find out if he loves her examining his eyes, face, embrace, the way he acts, his charm and decides that the only way to know for sure is in his kiss. A kiss is a wonderful way to express love, but physical intimacy should not precede relational intimacy. Waiting until marriage to kiss someone may not be for everyone, but I do think that it is the right thing for some people and a potentially great example of intimacy for others.

A huge part of our culture suffers from a narrow view of intimacy. When many people hear the word “intimacy” they automatically think only of the physical aspects of a romantic relationship between a guy and a girl or possibly just sexual activity. Real intimacy is more than that. So much so in fact, that it is difficult to describe or put into words. I hear concern of some people about sexual compatibility as if real intimacy were just about physical things. I have heard people say, “I wouldn’t buy a car without first taking a test drive, so I wouldn’t marry someone without having sex with them first.” That’s a horrible illustration! Picking a potential marriage partner is nothing like buying a car. I think that many marriages are unsatisfying because they lack real intimacy.

I saw real intimacy in the relationship that my friends had before they got married. It was obvious in the way they looked at each other, held each other, laughed, communicated, and the way that they talked about each other. My friends were crazy about each other and it was not self-seeking. (1 Corinthians 13:5) Both of my friends love the other one deeply and are enjoying a wonderful marriage relationship. They recently had their first child about 16 months into their marriage and I know that they will be great parents to their new son.